Today I wanted to just have some girl talk you know! I want to give you a little insight as to what I’ve been going through personally. I don’t usually open up about myself, not because I don’t want to but because it is the hardest thing in the world for me to do! Well I decided I need to open up more and allow myself to share my battles, my everyday life with you all. This past year I have fallen back from my blog, not because I gave up, but because I’d a lot of internal work to do. I went through some serious life changes internally, lost some dear friends a long the way, and I don’t express too much of what I go through because I constantly try to be that strong, tough, confident woman who takes her problems and keeps moving. But even the strongest person breaks at some point. The truth is I’m not that tough, but rather sensitive on the inside. I really hated my apartment, My account looked terrible, I was just all around in a bad space. I felt trapped I had no money to move, I wasn’t motivated to even do my blog as often, I felt stuck in my job when I knew deep down I’ve all these dreams and ideas to share with the world, I just felt worthless and everywhere I looked for motivation just didn’t do the trick. I fell back into my own world because I realized the inspiration and motivation had to come from within and in doing so was called selfish for trying to focus on me and find my happiness.
Now, I’d let a lot take a toll on me I have always tried to be the best friend, best girlfriend, best employee, best everything and this time around I just felt everywhere I went I failed and so I gave up and realized I have to be the best ME to me and for me. Now my hunny has been my biggest support during this time, I swear God blessed me with the best friend I could have ever asked for. I honestly forgot how to live positive, when I first started this blog it brought back life into me, the thought of helping other woman see how beautiful they are and know that each and every one of them carry something special was so enlightening and fulfilling. I felt I lost sight of that and I let the everyday struggle take over. I let it control me so much that I wasn’t allowing opportunity to reach me. I couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t make friends as easy, why aren’t people reading my blog, why don’t I have as many followers as the other bloggers, and just all around didn’t give myself the true belief others have in me. Well, I needed to breakdown so I can build myself up better than ever. I’d eventually gotten my money together and had to decide should I start my business ideas or move into a bigger space where I can work my blog better, of course I decided I needed to move. I am an introvert and my home space needs to feel comfortable and inspirational for me to come home and blog after a long 9 hour day of work. I felt I needed a change and in order to create change you have to understand it takes making step by step strides towards it. I forgot that my connection with this blog was way bigger than my outfit post but more so the meaning behind owning your style. Style represents you and my goals were to help you all realize that and more about yourselves. But when life slapped me in the face I couldn’t even count on my outfits any more to keep me going, I had to get raw and dirty and fight to become who I am still working on today. It has been the biggest lesson and blessing I have ever experienced. The self help section at the bookstore became my best friend, and youtube let’s say all the beauty channels I followed had been on hold. I had to get in touch with Melissa again. I told myself if I was going to make this blog work I had to work on me, I had to get to the core and be reminded of who I am. Also, if I was going to come on here and help woman, I had to do the hard work and help myself first.
I have come across so many woman from young days through college till today, who are so freaking amazing and possess qualities that they can’t even see. As I dug deep and reviewed my past it made me realize how much we downgrade ourselves. How we judge others but don’t have the courage those people have for being true to themselves. We feel ashamed to say I love me, or I am beautiful today. For years I wouldn’t say things like that because I didn’t want people to think I was conceited or full of myself. I have learned I am me and I own every ounce of it.. PROUDLY! I am weird, funny, corny, have shopping problems, dancer, loving, I enjoy being alone, I have literally become my own best friend. Most important I am genuine and genuinely do things for others, If I can’t or don’t feel right doing something I will let you know, because if I can I will do so with no strings attached. I have hid myself for so long because of fear, fear of being judged. Well F*CK that! I’m accepted in my world and my expectations!
I share this as a part of the Girl Talk series, No filter, just raw real girl talk. If I am going to share who I am with you all and my struggles, know I love real talk. I don’t like filters and I don’t like pretending to be someone I am not. When I am with my girls, my boo, anyone I don’t hold back and I am tired of trying to be proper all the time. There are times that you can turn your filter on but you must always Be You! If Kanye can say he is running for president, why can’t we just be ourselves without being judged 24/7. (Yes, girl I saw the VMA’s and the infamous speech) I know this was a long post but if you actually made it to the end THANK YOU SO MUCH! and I hope you leave this post with a little sense of me and if not I hope you’re atleast reminded you too are beautiful, sexy, and can go for your dreams no matter what anyone tells you or who tries to bring you down. If you have any topics you want to touch up on, leave it down below in the comments so we can really get into real girl talk!
Stay Beautiful 😉